Change is possible if you AWAIT

Can he change? Will it always be this way? Why doesn’t she just (not) do it anymore? He’s too old to change. It’s a “man” thing. It’s a “girl” thing. All men (women) are this way, so she (he) just needs to get used to it. We’ve all heard or said these allegories and have wondered if they relate to specific behaviors or habits. I’ve developed the AWAIT system of change to help people with this very issue.

Whether you want to change a habit of your own or you’d like to influence your partner to change, think AWAIT. True, each of us needs to accept our partner for who they are and not expect them to change. Yet, change can do wonders for strengthening a relationship. This is particularly true if a bad habit changes into a good one or if the change is something that will ease stress in the household and make your partner happy.

Remember that each of us are only responsible for ourselves. We can not control when or if another person will change. We can only hope we have influence on our loved ones. Most importantly, remember that change takes time. Hence, “wait” is ingrained in the process. Be patient with yourself and others. Forgive yourself if you fall short of your hopes and try again the next day. If your partner is trying to make a change, be supportive. Point out even small accomplishments. Encourage yourself or your partner to persist and not give up, assuring the possibility of success. Envision what you will look and feel like after you’ve achieved your goal. Keeping a journal of your daily process through the change will greatly improve the likelihood of success.

1) A stands for the Awareness of the benefits.
Don’t just list the benefits of changing. Create a picture in your mind and write it down. Feel the new you. Think of it regularly, daily if possible. Awareness not only gives a person reasons to change, but also the motivation to make the effort. It is vital to continue through Steps 2-5.

2) W represents a person’s Willingness to exert the effort.
Many people want to change their partner when he/she is perfectly content the way they are. Regardless of the vision created in Step 1, some people are simply not willing to work toward changing something. Here are a few possible reasons: too much stress already, benefits of not changing outweighs / outnumbers the benefits of change, or the timing is not optimal. A person needs to be willing to make the effort. Naturally they will choose steps 3-5.

3) A is the Action plan that is needed.
It’s one thing to say you are willing to change. Unless you figure out what you are going to do differently and how, human nature warrants that you will instinctively do the same thing you’ve always done. The best action plan for you depends on your personality and resources. Start with educating yourself on how others have made the change. Search the internet, library, and local agencies. Self-help material is everywhere. So are mentors and professional coaches. Replace the undesirable behavior with a desirable one. An Action Plan makes the rest of the process easier; it is your blueprint for success and provides a focal point. “If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got” (anonymous).

4) I is Implementation of your Action Plan.
It takes 21 consecutive days of doing the same thing to form a new habit. However, very few people can change a long-term habit overnight. Hence, I recommend trying each action plan in 40-day increments. This gives you a few days to adjust to the new lifestyle. Changing anything takes effort. The longer something has been a part of us, the more challenging it is to replace it. Implementation is the most essential step of the all. Without it, failure is imminent.

5) T reminds you to Track your progress.
Writing in a journal daily will significantly increase your likelihood for success. Preferably, it should be right before you go to bed. Mention what day of the plan you’re on. Did you succeed? If not, why? If so, congratulate yourself and choose to do the same thing the following day. Remember it takes 21 consecutive days to form a new habit. Every day is new – a new chance for you to make a fresh start. This journal is just for you and doesn’t need to be shared. Therefore, be honest and don’t hold back.

This system can be used by people of any age, gender, or culture. Some physiological or medical conditions could require further actions not addressed or implied above. The AWAIT system is designed to alter typical habits or behaviors. Please consult a professional if you want to modify personality traits associated with addictions or psychological disorders.

If use the AWAIT system, feel free to take the time and comment to this blog post or contact me personally. I welcome any thoughts and feedback.